Saturday, September 8, 2007

If I Close My Eyes....

My house is clean. Abby is dressed and her hair is brushed neatly into pigtails with bows. J.T. is quietly reading a book on his bed. I am lounging in my PJ's with a glass of wine and a very good book. Everything is still. Everything is neat. Everyone is behaving.

But then..... I open my eyes. There are 150 index cards strewn across the carpet in the den. A wet towel lies forgotten in the hallway. Abby is naked as the day she was born and is refusing to keep both panties and clothing on. Her hair would make Medusa's look like something in Vogue. J.T. is doing gymnastics off the couch (whose cushions are NOT where they are supposed to be). I am not in my PJ's, things are not quiet as I am repeating the following over and over: Stop that! Leave him/her alone!! If I have to tell you one more time....., and please, please, please don't do that anymore! If ya'll don't quit that, I'm going to sell you on ebay. I'm NOT kidding!!! There are two small people who are a constant blur of motion.

Not a great time to misplace my corkscrew is it? My bottle of wine sits on the counter. Yellowtail Shiraz.... still tightly sealed with cork firmly in place.... mocking me. Sob!

12 comments:

Stomper Girl said...

Ha! I was at home the other night with a screw-cap bottle of wine mocking me. No Strongman Fixit to come to my aid and the corkscrew worse than useless - just me with my weak thumbs. I share your pain.

bluemountainsmary said...

your reality is the stuff of nightmares! Hope you got to that wine in the end

kirsty said...

Hell, just smash the neck of the bottle off on the kitchen sink like a Real Man!!

Fairlie said...

Maybe you need a cask in the cupboard for such emergencies?

M said...

An unopened bottle of wine? Hmm, a novel concept. There are several on my kitchen bench at the moment and they all seem to be open...

Long live the screwcap I say! Or just reach for the Champers (is that Aus English? Champagne)instead...

Aunty Evil said...

Sigh.

I just give up on you, truly I do.

Sussanah said...

I have no wine, other than the incessant whine of my mummamummamumma screeching toddler
I'm a woman on the edge... A WOMAN ON THE FRICKIN EDGE!

tracey petersen said...

Can't you just pop it into an IV - no need to even drink it then!

Melinda said...

Rob will be purchasing a new corkscrew today as well as restocking the wine supply. The Shiraz is my last bottle! If i'm going to screwcaps someone has to recommend a good brand. I'm not going to be in a wine-needing situation and get stuck with something crappy!

Sue xx said...

Two words Screw Cap!! They are the majority over here, for white anyway!
So did you manage to get it open and drink it :)
Sue xx

Rob said...

[begin\mightymousemusic]Here I Come To Save The Day[\end]

The corkscrew has been bought. One of them fancy ones too. The kind that you twist into the cork and then lower the the two handles and pop out the cork. Sucker cost me $9. But you can't put a price on getting my woman good and liquored up. ;-)

For alternate uses of corkscrews reference Friday the 13th Part 4.

caramaena said...

lol rob to the rescue!

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