Monday, July 23, 2007

Abigail the Atrocious, Part II

This two-almost-three-yearold had better be rich and famous someday! I have decided that her portion of the Therapy Jar (see previous post) money is going to be needed for MY counseling... or at least for large quantities of mind-numbing chocolate and alcohol. I want monetary restitution for all of this stress. If I get a jury of all-Moms (no grandmothers please), I think I can get whatever cash settlement I seek, and believe me, it will dwarf the $54 million dollar pants lawsuit.

Abby, in her pursuit of driving her parents mad and her brother crazy, dumped toys out of J.T.'s box, flipped it over to use it as a stool, pulled out a desk drawer for an additional step, climbed on top and proceeded to throw all of J.T.'s things off, one-by-one. Her father scolded her for this.

She then proceeded to go the potty (by herself, thankyouverymuch!). Then uses the potty chair to "wash her hands". When Rob checked on her, she was holding her palm pressed against the faucet, which resulted in a waterspray effect all over the countertops and floor.

As a grand finale, she tore apart our child-proof door handle covers and escaped out the front door while I was talking to Rob's mother in the kitchen. By the time we discovered her (1-2 minutes later, tops) she was in the middle of the road playing in the dirt. Thank God we live on a cul-de-sac with only 3 other homes, counting the in-laws.

That is why the door handle covers have been replaced (and duct-taped shut with yards of tape), the bathroom door is locked and the key hidden, and she has been banned from her brother's room and why her mother will be cruising the alcoholic beverage section at the grocery store this afternoon.


Angel said...

We just got back from our vacation. I've already had to get me a glass of wine. I think I need more.

Rachael said...

Lol at this post, brings back memories of my boy when he was three. He was eating his lunch while I was folding up clothes in the loungeroom. The phone rings and he gets off the chair (mums side tracked you see)and goes into the lounge where he begins to strip down and put on his fathers clothes (inside out I might add), knowing the front door was locked at he couldn't get up to much in the lounge I kept talking , until I realise, he is very quite. I put down the phone and walk into the lounge to see the curtain blowing in and out of the open window. I run outside in a panic to see an old lady walking with him up the street. Picture this, vegemite all over his face no shoes on and his dads clothes on (inside out). She had been asking him where he lived (whilst looking for his mother in the gutter.)The little rat was pointing her in the opposite direction , towards the park! You can imagine all the justifications that came out of my mouth as she hands me over my homeless boy.

Your Abby sounds like a real character!

caramaena said...

oh dear...

Hope the alcoholic beverage assisted :)

Fairlie said...

I had to sit down with my 3 and a half year old today and get her to repeat back to me all the places in the house she is BANNED from (i.e almost all of the house) after she wreaked a trail of havoc from room to room. ARGHHHHHH! When do they grow out of it? (Oh that's right, my almost 10 year old reminds me they don't, they just grow into a whole new set of issues!)

precious pink pumps said...

Aria is about to turn 4 and it just keeps getting more interesting. I think girls keep us on our toes with their savvy-ness and independence. I am all for the therapy/alchol jar!

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