Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Splish, Splash!

"Splash, Splash, Splash in the 'Boro. There's fun for everyone." A very corny song, I know, and my children have not been singing the song this week, in anticipation of our water park outing. The frequent refrain this week has been: "Is it Wednesday, yet?" Wednesday, May 28th has been circled on our calendar for weeks. Finally, it is Wednesday and finally, we did get to the water park.

We slathered ourselves in SPF 45 UVA/UVB (essential when you could do the mime look WITHOUT needing any makeup) and spent 4 hours barreling down huge water slides, floating down the lazy river, splashing in the water playground area and in general, having a great time.

There were the inevitable snafus. J.T. could not find a single pair of sandals/flip flops to wear so we had to stop and buy a cheap pair on the way. I know I've bought him two pairs in the past two months and am certain to find them tonight hiding in plain sight. Abby got carsick on the way. Of course I've just cleaned the car out and we had no bucket handy. I then managed to completely miss her face while putting on sunscreen, but did manage to get some in her eyes. Luke (my sister's youngest son) dropped his french fries and couldn't keep his ear plugs in. Hey. What picnic doesn't have a few ants? It was still a wonderful time.

BUT. But, but, but. I have come away from this adventure with a revolutionary idea. After seeing pounds upon pounds of over-exposed flesh, I've developed a new rule.

Bikinis should come with a weight limit. If you cannot see your toes when you look towards your feet, you should not wear anything that exposes maximum flesh. A bikini should certainly be out of the question. The bathing suit with the skirt is your only option.

Bathing suit cleavage should come with an age/weight limit, too. If you are morbidly obese and over a certain age, let's not attempt the low-cut look. It's less than flattering. Disgusting, perhaps. But not flattering.

If you have spent the past 50 years smoking your way to an early grave, the resulting dried-up skin, bony arms and legs look isn't bikini model worthy. Can we bring back the neck to toes bathing suit look?


Emma-Kate Castricum said...

I'm still laughing, I too think there should be limits on bikini's. I just don't get it. I'm small, size 2 and still have freak out mental attacks when I think of prancing around in my bathers in front of the general public. Yet when we go on holidays there are always plenty of revolting women happy to show all to the world.
This is not to be taken the wrong way by any lovely people from Europe but every time we go to Thailand there's alway hugely fat Germans who happily show all in their g strings ( i think you call them thongs) repulsive!

Stomper Girl said...

Love the line about the doing mime without make-up, that is me too. Except I'm the mime artist someone drew on, what with my lovely freckles. Fortunately my kids have better skin, but they still get slathered with the SPF 30, because we have a dirty great hole in the ozone layer down here.

Fairlie said...

Oh no...I *love* it when other people are wearing totally inappropriate swimwear. The more their flesh shudders, bulges and engulfs, the less likely anyone is to notice mine merely squeezing and wibbling. It's a matter of relativity. A ginormous, over-tanned balding man in a g-string high cut bikini brief is perfect. The rest of the beach is guaranteed to be transfixed on him in a car-crash kind of way.

bluemountainsmary said...

Your bikini rules should be widely published.

World wide.

So excited for you about Savannah - have a fantastic time!

Imogen's Grandma said...

One of Sussanah's rants is about needing to acquire a licence to wear lycra. Perhaps we could extend that to bikinis. Savannah has long been on our list of "see before we die". Enjoy.

Team SAK said...

Your fabulous swimsuit descriptions bought back memories of European trips and tourists at Noosa who expose every bit of skin that hasn't seen the light of day for 12 months since the last beach holiday. Easy to spot the tourists on day 2 of holiday season. Plenty of lobster shade skin.

While no one should ever be ashamed of their body I agree there could be some merit in your swimwear rules. Heaven forbid if nude sunbathing becomes legal at all beaches. Your rule would have to be changed again1

Anonymous said...

Imogen's grandma? What about the other five kids?

I say let them wear their ugliest, most revealing and inappropriate swimmers - at least then I know that no one is looking at me!

M said...

Oh Jeepers, I CAN see my toes and I still don't inflict the world with views of me in a Bikini. WHEN is the bikini craze going to end? Have people not heard of skin cancer? Forget the neck to knee, I think full Victorian swimming garb plus those nifty bathing trailers would be appropriate for some.

alice said...

I'm with the neck to knee people. Bring me my mumu, please!

crafty said...

Ha ha ha. What Fairlie said.

Melinda said...

I'm not ashamed to admit I could NOT pull off a bikini. Maybe when I was 16. But not now, after giving birth to two children and gaining weight. But I'm smart enough to know it.

Rob said...

Do a new blog already, I'm tired of seeing SPAM-a-lot.

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