Splish, Splash!

"Splash, Splash, Splash in the 'Boro. There's fun for everyone." A very corny song, I know, and my children have not been singing the song this week, in anticipation of our water park outing. The frequent refrain this week has been: "Is it Wednesday, yet?" Wednesday, May 28th has been circled on our calendar for weeks. Finally, it is Wednesday and finally, we did get to the water park.

We slathered ourselves in SPF 45 UVA/UVB (essential when you could do the mime look WITHOUT needing any makeup) and spent 4 hours barreling down huge water slides, floating down the lazy river, splashing in the water playground area and in general, having a great time.

There were the inevitable snafus. J.T. could not find a single pair of sandals/flip flops to wear so we had to stop and buy a cheap pair on the way. I know I've bought him two pairs in the past two months and am certain to find them tonight hiding in plain sight. Abby got carsick on the way. Of course I've just cleaned the car out and we had no bucket handy. I then managed to completely miss her face while putting on sunscreen, but did manage to get some in her eyes. Luke (my sister's youngest son) dropped his french fries and couldn't keep his ear plugs in. Hey. What picnic doesn't have a few ants? It was still a wonderful time.

BUT. But, but, but. I have come away from this adventure with a revolutionary idea. After seeing pounds upon pounds of over-exposed flesh, I've developed a new rule.

Bikinis should come with a weight limit. If you cannot see your toes when you look towards your feet, you should not wear anything that exposes maximum flesh. A bikini should certainly be out of the question. The bathing suit with the skirt is your only option.

Bathing suit cleavage should come with an age/weight limit, too. If you are morbidly obese and over a certain age, let's not attempt the low-cut look. It's less than flattering. Disgusting, perhaps. But not flattering.

If you have spent the past 50 years smoking your way to an early grave, the resulting dried-up skin, bony arms and legs look isn't bikini model worthy. Can we bring back the neck to toes bathing suit look?