Spam... ALOT!

My Spam folder had 103 emails in it this morning. I just emptied it on Wednesday. Before I empty it I always scan the titles to be sure nothing I truly need has been accidentally sent to the Spam folder. Occasionally I find blog comments that for some unknown reason get "spammed." But usually, it is the same old same old.

Lowe's really, really wants to give me a free gift card. There is a person (or apparently an entire tribe based on the number I get) in Nigeria/Kenya/St. John who died and would LOVE to bequeath all his millions to me if only I fork over my name, social security number and bank account info. If I'm running short on money I can convert my "gold4cash". Cars! Cars! Cars! are awaiting my purchase and my credit score numbers are just a click away.

My absolute favorite are the repeat emails for "black singles". If ever a spammer DIDN'T know me. My flesh is the opposite of black. My skin would make Irish people feel tan. I could mime without the makeup (see previous post). My foundation shade is all the way on the left of the pale scale. Even then it looks a shade dark on me. I don't tan. My skin crisps to red, peels and turns the same ghost-white shade it has always been. If I wore black from head to toe, you'd think I was into the goth scene. But tomorrow, there will be an email in my Spam folder letting me know that the black singles scene is waiting for me to join.

Splish, Splash!

"Splash, Splash, Splash in the 'Boro. There's fun for everyone." A very corny song, I know, and my children have not been singing the song this week, in anticipation of our water park outing. The frequent refrain this week has been: "Is it Wednesday, yet?" Wednesday, May 28th has been circled on our calendar for weeks. Finally, it is Wednesday and finally, we did get to the water park.

We slathered ourselves in SPF 45 UVA/UVB (essential when you could do the mime look WITHOUT needing any makeup) and spent 4 hours barreling down huge water slides, floating down the lazy river, splashing in the water playground area and in general, having a great time.

There were the inevitable snafus. J.T. could not find a single pair of sandals/flip flops to wear so we had to stop and buy a cheap pair on the way. I know I've bought him two pairs in the past two months and am certain to find them tonight hiding in plain sight. Abby got carsick on the way. Of course I've just cleaned the car out and we had no bucket handy. I then managed to completely miss her face while putting on sunscreen, but did manage to get some in her eyes. Luke (my sister's youngest son) dropped his french fries and couldn't keep his ear plugs in. Hey. What picnic doesn't have a few ants? It was still a wonderful time.

BUT. But, but, but. I have come away from this adventure with a revolutionary idea. After seeing pounds upon pounds of over-exposed flesh, I've developed a new rule.

Bikinis should come with a weight limit. If you cannot see your toes when you look towards your feet, you should not wear anything that exposes maximum flesh. A bikini should certainly be out of the question. The bathing suit with the skirt is your only option.

Bathing suit cleavage should come with an age/weight limit, too. If you are morbidly obese and over a certain age, let's not attempt the low-cut look. It's less than flattering. Disgusting, perhaps. But not flattering.

If you have spent the past 50 years smoking your way to an early grave, the resulting dried-up skin, bony arms and legs look isn't bikini model worthy. Can we bring back the neck to toes bathing suit look?

Vacation

Is it a bad sign to begin a vacation week with a migraine?

This week I will not be working. At work, that is. I will be getting many things accomplished at home. On the list:

1. Monday - Finish weekend housework that didn't get completed due to babysitting duties and an overnight guest. Which means the house is in worse shape than usual.

2. Tuesday - Take kids for portrait appointment 45 miles (one hour) from home. Hope against all hope that Abby sleeps in the car and doesn't get carsick and that BOTH kids smile their best smiles and don't get snot, dirt, mud, marker, gum, toothpaste, etc. on their clothing before picture time.

3. Wednesday - Trip to Splash in the Boro (water park) with my sister and her three boys. We're hiring out my eldest niece as an extra child minder to help us keep track of the 5 kids we are crazy, er, brave enough to take to a huge pool/water slide complex staffed with teenage lifeguards.

4. Thursday - The Anniversary Trip to Savannah with Rob. Target, Victoria's Secret, Barnes and Noble, Circuit City (New camera! Since ROB made me drop the old one and it didn't survive the fall), NY & Co.... Sigh. Shopping, great food, a movie. No kids. Bliss.

5. Friday - Reading, reading, and more reading. No work, no cleaning (okay, maybe just some laundry), no plans. Just enjoying my book buying splurges.

Hopefully the new camera purchase will mean new pictures for you! Sorry for all the repeat pictures and boring words, words, words.

So I Married An Axe Murderer-The Poems

For Mary. Whose garden is so peaceful and inspiring. She's no hard-hearted harbinger of haggis! But she does love this movie, just like me.

Hormone Possession

I have descended into the gloom of PMS. You can call me Mrs. Hyde this week. Dr. Jekyll will return to duty sometime around the weekend.

For now, the kids are monstrous, Rob is their co-conspirator and everyone in this entire cosmos is aligned against me in a universal desire to plot my downfall.

There is the really happy lady on my workout video who smiles way too big and doesn't sweat while I struggle to find the energy to finish my workout while breaking a very unattractive sweat that makes my hair frizz. Someone drank the last diet coke in the fridge at work. J.T. knocked over an entire glass of sweet tea on my freshly, not-even-dry-yet, mopped floor. Abby picked all the bulbs off my Tiger Lily. The rose bushes have aphids. The van has a flat tire. The grocery store was out of bananas. The finance report for April is off by 53 cents and I can't figure out where. Rob bumped me (though he swears he didn't) and I broke the camera. Yes, yes I know I've dropped it all on my own before, but not this time. This time it was all his fault. BUT WAIT! I was trying to take my weekly shop photo at the time, so maybe the blame for that belongs to M and Fairlie?

Interrogation

Rob's Mom called me last night. In a panic. She and Rob's dad have BOTH lost their keys to her van. Hers have been AWOL for a while. Mr. John lost his in the last three days. They are down to one valet key.

Since Abby was seen in the vicinity of the last known location of the missing key,she is suspect number one. J.T. was home sick Thursday and Friday, so he is suspect number two.

My instructions were to: "If you would, question them separately and see if they tell you anything." Which made me laugh. I had visions of a spy movie scenario playing in my head. Rob and I playing 'good cop, bad cop' with our two suspects. I'm sure Rob would be the good cop. It would go something like this:

"So, young Mr. Cannady. Here's how this is going down. We know you did it. Your sister squealed like a stuck pig. We have the evidence. Confess everything and we might let you off easy. Oh, you want to play it tough wiseguy? Well, I've got all afternoon. And there will be no Spiderman, no Star Wars until we're done here, see?"

"Well little Miss Cannady. Think your smart, do you? We're on to you. We know what you've done. That brother of yours spilled everything. EVERYTHING. Tell us where the keys are hidden. There will be no chocolate pudding unless you give it up, little lady."

Since I figured that might not go so well, I just asked them if they had seen the keys with the red tag on them. Nope. This isn't the first time the in-laws have misplaced the keys. Here's hoping my two had nothing to do with it this time.

Good Prognosis, A New Swimsuit and a Playlist

I only recently realized that I really haven't give you an update on Mama's progress! It wasn't intentional. Though I did say that I didn't want this disease to take over everything in our lives, including my blog.

Mama had her masectomy and her lymph nodes were clear! There was also a spot on her thyroid they wanted to examine, but it too was cancer-free! The only cancer cells they found were in the tissue they removed. She has begun the second half of her chemo treatments and will take chemo once a week for twelve weeks. Side effects this time aren't nearly as bad. Mainly joint pain about three days after treatment. Her prognosis is excellent.

As Rob mentioned on his blog, I have been doing a new exercise program. And I have, quite impressively, stuck with it for 6 weeks. BUT. I have only lost 6 pounds. I can do the "move more" part of weight loss just fine. It is the "eat less" part I have trouble accomplishing. Yesterday, my new bathing suit arrived just in time for swim suit season. I have rather given up hope on purchasing anything without some sort of thigh/buttock covering, so I ordered a tankini with swim skirt. I optimistically ordered one size smaller than usual. That might have been a little too optimistic. Nothing like trying on a snug bathing suit to reveal all your little figure flaws, cellulite, and stretch marks. Hopefully this will kick the diet/exercise plan into high gear all over again!

Notice the new playlist on the sidebar. If you didn't already know that I have eclectic music taste.... you do now! Johnny Cash mingling with my punk-dressing youth idol Cyndi Lauper who in turn is hanging out with The Beatles and Ella Fitzgerald. Added to that is a little Nickelback and Nouvelle Vague and J.T.'s current favorite: "Let's See How Far We've Come." Only he sings (very loudly) "Let's see how far we go." Which is pretty appropriate for a 7 year old, don't you think? He has this funny dance routine to go with it and he does hairbrush singing like a champ! Abby just runs around in circles while he does this, kind of yelling along unintelligibly.

Rob and I are going to Savannah in two weeks for our annual Anniversary Trip. I am making a list of books I want. We usually spend more time in the bookstore than any other place on these trips. On my eclectic book list are: "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch, "Eat, Pray, Love", "Wedding Survivor Book 2" by Julia London, "How to Knit a Wild Bikini" by Christie Ridgeway and Marianne Stillings' "Sighs Matter". And whatever else takes my fancy while we're there. The kids will get some new books of course. I spend about half my bookstore time combing the kids' section for new favorites and classics to add to their bookshelves.

I'll also be looking for some fabulous shoes, a few "necessary" items, a few things from Victoria's Secret and I'm sure that Rob will pick up some Star Wars/Comic things. We will end our day with a fabulous dinner at a Japanese Restaurant before returning home exhausted, feet aching with a car loaded down with purchases.

Found and Lost

I owe Fairlie and M a weekly shop photo. Why am I so horribly tardy in posting? We couldn't find the camera. Of course I blamed Abby. Well.... it turns out Rob's parents had the camera. Oops. I'm sure the darling Miss Priss is horribly scarred and traumatized and will need years of therapy to cope. We'll probably qualify for some kind of group rate by the time she figures out that her mother is to blame for all of life's problems.

So. The good news is that the camera is indeed found. The bad news is that the little cord thingy that connects camera to computer is lost. And I have some lovely, deceptively serene Mother's Day photos to show you, too.

P.S. In case you missed it. The charmingly sarcastic, wonderfully geeky (which everyone knows is much better than nerdy) Rob has started his own blog.

Charlie bit my finger - again !

This reminds me of my mother saying: "Yeah. It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt isn't it?" Love that British accented "Charlie" and "hurt"

Happy Mother's Day

A family friend recently sent me this picture of Mama holding Abby almost three years ago. We were attending a baby shower. It says a lot about my Mama.

In most of the pictures we have of her and the grandchildren, the kids are looking at the camera and Mama is looking at the kids. She adores each and every one of them. And they adore her back.

It amazes me that despite having so many children (4) and so many grandchildren (14 including step-grandchildren), she fosters unique, individual relationships with all of us. She is always looking at us, within us... and always finding beauty.... even when it is difficult to see. She rocks.

Don't Make Me "Yell"

Rob and J.T. went to see Iron Man yesterday. J.T. loved it and kept his eyes closed during the scariest parts. Which was actually a bit about surgery. I think we can safely say he won't be entering medical school in the future.

They made a trip to Wal-mart afterwards to pick up a few pantry necessities. It was there that J.T. informed Rob (on the most crowded aisle of course) that "you yell at me too much. And when you punished me last time it was too much." Which Rob responded to with a gritted teeth grin and a mild "Really?"

Poor child. He gets "yelled at" (translation: scolded, though occasionally there might be actual yelling) too much. Rob has "explained" to him that he doesn't get yelled at too much and if he ever says so in public again, there will indeed be too much yelling.

Over supper I told Rob that the thing that earns J.T. the most scolding from me is when I have to tell him 100 times to do something. "Put your shoes on. Brush your teeth. Hang these shirts in your closet. He just doesn't listen!" I complained. "I can't imagine where he gets that from."

Rob stops. Looks at me. "You can't imagine where he gets that from? You can't imagine where he gets that FROM? Are you kidding?"

Me: "Well... maybe he gets it from me. I can be that way sometimes." Particularly when reading. I tune EVERYTHING out then.

Rob: "You've been that way ever since I've known you."