I very much don't want my blog to become overtaken by cancer. This space is my little respite from trials and craziness. And I want it to remain that way. But this week has just been absolutely dominated by this illness.
Mother has had to endure three separate days of shots to boost her white blood cell count. Since white blood cells are generated in the bones, her bones have ached quite badly. She was given a prescription strength pain killer to which she had a very bad reaction. She did not eat and drank very little for 36 hours. Her hair has almost all come out and she is left with just little wisps of gray. She looks tired. Her spirit is flagging a little. All before her second dose of chemo today.
I wish, wish, wish I could snap my fingers and make her better. I wish she did not have to suffer. But if wishing could make things happen then you would already be a mother, your chest would have fixed itself on its own, depression would not have impacted your life, your child would still be here dancing and singing and loving. But that doesn't stop me from wishing and hoping and waiting.
Struggling...
2 years ago
11 comments:
We are right there with you HA - wishing and hoping and waiting.
We're here, too, Melinda. Life just gets too hard sometimes.
Oh dear Melinda, sorry your mother, you and your family are going through this right now. Thoughts from us here.
I'm so sorry you (and your mum) are going through this. It's just not fair. I hope you are surrounded by postive and supportive people.
xxx
Sending you all our best wishes and postive thoughts. We know only too well the journey you and your mom are on. All your "blogging friends" are here for you.
Wishing, hoping and waiting along with you. I'm sorry you and your family are having to deal with this. Thinking of you.
Speaking from experience, when things happen to your mum that you cannot control, you have your ups and downs.
There are days when you will feel like you just cannot cope, that all you want to do is run and run and run, but all the while knowing that you cannot go, you don't want to go, there is too much to do, you are too needed.
Other days, you will find strength from inside that you didn't even know you had, you will take control of what needs to be done, you will know exactly what to do, when to do it, and the right things to say.
But overall, you will live with a crushing sadness inside of your chest that this could happen to someone as beautiful as your mum, and you live in hope that all will be ok for her. And then, when it is all ok for her, you will worry every day that this hideousness will take hold again.
And you will love her, and find ways to tell her, verbally and through actions, that will let her just know, without a doubt, how much you appreciate her as your mum.
And no matter what happens, you will know, and she will know. And that's all that matters.
So much doesn't make sense. It's impossible to reconcile. BUt it is important, essential even, to keep hoping. So you keep on stomping your foot and crossing your fingers and toes and praying and wishing and loving. It's all we can do. Thinking of you x
Thinking of you and your Mum Melinda.
Thank you so much for all of your support. It feels like a wall behind me that I can lean against when my emotional legs won't hold me anymore. It means so much.
Ah sweetie, I am thinking of you. And your mum. If my wishes were any good she would be better too.
You are a generous soul to be thinking of others' pain in the midst of your own. Hugs xx
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