Wednesday, April 23, 2008

62200086...I Bet This Has Never Happened To You!

It's Rob again, Melinda hasn't changed her password so I'm back. Something happened to me about an hour ago that was just so....different.... that I had to either keep it a secret or just tell the whole world.... or at least Australia.

My job provides me with uniforms, not cool uniforms like astronauts and city sanitation workers get to wear, just a plain blue shirt and khaki pants, no emblems or name tags. Melinda likes this because she doesn't have to wash them or iron them and she doesn't have to worry about me leaving the house completely in one color because I dressed myself. Anyway just this week the uniform company replaced my old uniforms that I'd been wearing for the past 3 years with brand spanking new.......plain blue shirts and khaki pants. So the shirt I put on this morning was brand new, never been worn. I make it through the work day with no problems, shirts a little itchy and could fit a little better but all in all I'm looking pretty spiffy. I get home, Melinda and the kids are outside playing with the water hose so I go in to change clothes. I remove all my accessories (watch, wallet, jump drive, change, etc.) then I take off my shirt. It's then that I look in the mirror and.....something's......different. What could it be?.....I know there's a little white sticker with the numbers 62200086 on it about 1/2 inch wide and 1/4 inch tall completely covering my left nipple. I attempt to flick it off....it doesn't move. I attempt to pull it off and I extend my nipple to the point where I finally lose my nerve and back off. Apparently the adhesive used barely sticks to cotton but chemically bonds with human skin. I contemplate ripping it off, but I just can't get the morning edition headline out of my mind..."Local Man Bleeds To Death After Ripping Off Nipple While Changing Clothes....Really!".....heck that would probably make the Australian news. So finally while holding my nipple down as best I can with one hand and pulling slowly and firmly with the other, and wondering if nipples can be reattached surgically, I'm able to remove the offending label from my person. A little redness and few less hairs and I'm none the worse for wear. So let this be a lesson to you, never............ah hell there is no lesson here.

15 comments:

twolimeleaves said...

Actually, it almost HAS happened to me. But it wasn't my nipple. I had a sticker from a new pair of knickers attach itself to my butt once. Fortunately for me, they must have used a lesser-quality adhesive than the one you got.

And I've been thinking that if you had made Melinda remove that sticker and you had video-taped the event, I'm sure you could have made a buck out of your pain. I'm fairly certain there would be a market - there's all kinds of weird stuff out there already but I don't think I've seen anything like that.

Stomper Girl said...

Yeah. You poor thing Rob. Meanwhile, I breastfed two children. There's this really *cute* thing babies do when they get distracted which is to let go of the breast -to look at a distraction- without letting go the suction!! This usually happened at least twice every feed. And let's not even talk about biting.

I can play sore-nipple one up(wo)manship with anyone, okay?!?!

Fairlie said...

Oh, I'm with you Stomper. A mere sticker to the nipple sounds like pure luxury compared with a set of teeth on a 7 month old...or the swinging head of a distracted babe But for true nipple agony, try the suction created by one of those hospital grade electric expressing machines...

Man...Rob's going to wish he never uttered the N-word once all the nipple-upwomanship players come to the party!

Rob said...

Yeah, but women are used to pain, I'm a guy, I'm only accustomed to being a pain.

Still, I never thought I would be trading nipple stories with a bunch of Australian women...will the wonders of the internet never cease.

bluemountainsmary said...

I - unbelievably - have no words. Breastfeeding never hurt for me.

So I happen to think this does not sound good.

You do seem to have bounced back from this weird little episode though!

M said...

Congratulations Rob, it's belly-laugh central here in Sydney at the moment. I cna braely tpye I'm laugihng so mchu...

Team SAK said...

Here I was thinking the Melbourne Comedy Festival had finished when a blog entry from the other side of the world arrives.

Hope you have recovered Rob. I am still trying to break the code and work out what the numbers mean. Thankfully the sticker was only on the shirt!!!

We Aussie bloggers look forward to your next instalment!!!

Stomper Girl said...

Good comeback Rob.

Aunty Evil said...

Ahh Rob, when are you going to get your own blog? You would be a smash hit, you know.

A nipple-less smash hit, but a smash hit nonetheless!

peppermintpatcher said...

ROB!! This is the reason they invented youtube! Do not hold your skin down with the other hand - hold a handicam. We all want to share your experience...

soozadoo said...

I think may be a part of the LOST mystery

alice said...

Ouch!

Sue xx said...

Rob, Thanks for make me giggle while hard at work today!
Glad there was no blood involved.

Precious Pink Pumps said...

I wonder how many perverts get linked to your blog Melinda given how many times your husband has used the word Nipple. Hell, I think I could google nipple and your blog banner would come up. I think Rob just liked typing nipple over and over again.....

caramaena said...

LOL!! (yes, an actual laugh out loud - I'm not just saying that!

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