Tuesday, May 19, 2009

To Forgive?

You have probably read this quote elsewhere this week. It was particularly timely for me. I have been struggling with the idea of forgiveness for some time. My head knows that healing and happiness, genuine heart-whole happiness, are impossible if you let bitterness and hurt flourish in your soul.

But it is so hard to let injustice be. To not be able to 'fix' and make right what is wrong. To not get the point across that it hurts so deeply when others cherish things more than people. More than love. So I am resharing what has already been shared (I hope the person I lifted it from doesn't mind.... I haven't been able to get it out of my head nor my heart since I read it).

"What if forgiveness has nothing to do with stopping feeling hurt and nothing to do with letting the person off? What if it's something that is under our own direct control and that we can wholeheartedly choose to do?

Suppose it's this: forgiveness does not mean pretending that the other person did not do wrong. It does not mean switching off your feelings. Rather, forgiveness means depriving the other person's wrongdoing of any consequences in your life.

I forgive by deciding that I will not pass on the hurt by harming others. I will not let the wrongdoing influence me to do wrong. I will not let it damage and distort my life nor alter my relations with others. I will go on doing right, no matter how hurt I feel, no matter what.

You don't decide who I will be, but I do. It makes the wrongdoing irrelevant..." Catherine Gower
It does indeed make the wrongdoing irrelevant.


Rob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Forgiveness is such an individual thing, each person has a level at which a point can either be crossed or not. Staying angry uses so much energy - but there are somethings that cannot be forgiven - to me anyway!

Lovely words, Melinda.

3 Peas in a Pod said...

The only one that was being hurt by those feelings was you. I try to remember that when I felt hurt by someone who doesn't care. They're not thinking about it and it's not keeping THEM up at night. Shouldn't give them time in your head. Like you said forgiveness doesn't mean what they did was right but it allows you to move on from it. Love this post!

Much love from NJ,

Rob said...

Just for clarification there is no "jonandkate" drama going on here. Our marriage is fine and I haven't been caught at any nightclubs at 2 AM with a "friend".

So you can pull the claws back in Stomper. ;-)

Melinda said...

Rob just doing preventive maintenance, figuring my dear Stomper Girl would leap to my defense... I guess it could be read that Rob was in need of forgiving, but it isn't he who has transgressed... at least not THIS time! :-)

Aunty Evil said...

Well if not Rob, who has hurt you!? I want to hurt them back!

I want names and numbers, and addresses if possible, me and me bruvvas will be around to fix them right up, we will.

Unless it's someone I like, then I don't know...

No! If they hurt you, I don't like em.

That's that.

Mary said...

You KNOW I don't mind.

Every time I read it it punches me in the gut.

And the heart.


Stomper Girl said...

Whoa! What claws? I swear I would have never have thought that.

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