Thursday, February 5, 2009

The Rambling Mind

Boys with attention issues should never be taught to pee standing up.

Mothers with attention issues should never attempt a home mani/pedi when there is no fingernail polish remover in the house.

The bickering of young siblings is torture on a CIA-scale. Forget water-boarding. Let my kids fight over the guitar/dominoes/video game and the criminals will confess just to Make. It. STOP. It's like being pecked to death by a chicken.

Southerners don't like cold weather. We are thin-blooded.

Southerners don't like hot weather either.

Tracey was right. I do clean so the cleaning lady can come clean.

Michael Phelps just got dropped as an endorser by Kellogg's. I guess you could say he made a bong-headed mistake.

U-2's song The Sweetest Thing is underrated.

Common Sense is undervalued and scarce. $45 million for an executive jet while holding out your hand for government aid?

The U.S. tax code was written by a schizophrenic (spelled it wrong according tot he little red dots and way too lazy/sleepy to correct it) who was off his meds. Never mind. Rob fixed it. He says it may still be wrong.

If you clean it, they will dirty it rather quickly.

Sweet tea is sticky and hard to mop when it dries.

Hot cocoa with marshmallows is a lovely, lovely thing on a cold day. So is crab stew.

I think I have my contacts in the wrong eyes. Or my prescription is wrong.

If I were born before the age of corrective eye wear, I would have less than useless. Anything more six inches from my face is blurry.


Michelly said...

I can relate to the contacts...I was convinced that the last boxes (two different prescriptions and two different type of contacts) I got were wrong. I called Sam's Club and was SURE they gave me the wrong ones. They called my eye doctor and over the course of the day determined that I did indeed have the right contacts. I went to my eye doctor for my yearly exam and found out that my eyes have gotten worse. I had all of them running around and it was me! Nice!

Anonymous said...

When you find the place with a constant balmy temperature let me know. I'll move there too.

M said...

Boys with attention issues should go outside and pee on the lemon tree.

Blue Mountains Mary said...

My boys do pee on the lemon - actually cumquat - trees.

Being pecked to death by a chicken. I am going to be using that description ALOT.

Because that is exactly what fighting siblings is like.

Stomper Girl said...

Boys who pee on the toilet seat/back because they are not looking what they're doing it get yelled at (by me, chief toilet cleaner, actually make that sole toilet cleaner, how did that end up just my job when I never wee all over the seat, hmm?) and given toilet paper to clean up the mess. Drives me nuts!

Anonymous said...

What a fun, funny list. I can relate to too many of your points!

Aunty Evil said...

Yes, yes, yes.

Precious Pink Pumps said...

More of these Melinda, these are great!

Anonymous said...

drop a table tennis ball in the toilet - it floats and gives them something to aim at.

The male of the species has trouble concentrating when they have "matters in hand" :)

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