Happy Mother's Day!

Thursday I left home at 8 a.m. and didn't return until 8 p.m. Never have I been so happy that the following day was the every other week cleaning lady visit! To make the weekend all the sweeter, she made AN ENTIRE MEAL and brought it over on Saturday. I'm thinking about asking her to adopt me.

We've had a tiny health scare with my own mother. She woke up in intense pain that required a visit to the ER. Turns out she had kidney stones (probably the result of calcium supplements) that were quickly passed. The CT scan also showed some spots on her liver. When someone has had cancer, the word "spot" looms in neon letters in an otherwise boring medical report. After several weeks of waiting, the good news from her oncologist is that liver spots are very common and that these spots pre-date her breast cancer diagnosis in 2007. Phew!

So of course this year, spending the day with her will be all the more special. Two weeks of waiting meant a lot of time spent reflecting on how important she is in my life. In our lives. No matter that I don't need her to help bandage cuts or create science project displays or depend on her to put a hot meal on the table every night, she is still a tremendous support... particularly now that I am old and wise enough to realize she might actually know something!

My mother-in-law is pretty fabulous too. She carts the kids around from school and to dancing and horseback riding. If I'm sick, she steps up and makes sure everything that needs to get done does, even taking care of me along with the laundry, homework, etc. She is a big part of J.T.'s top writing and MAP testing results.... she loves to work with both kids on their homework. Appreciating that I am quite lucky to have a wonderful mother and mother-in-law. They make my life better. The kids, of course, love them to pieces. I think that they wrote cards for their grandmothers without prompting, but might have needed a nudge from Rob to complete my cards. Might have something to do with the yelling and fit throwing?

Fresh cut and color? A little slice of happy for me.

The Happiness Project

"Contemporary research shows that happy people are more altruistic, more productive, more helpful, more likeable, more creative, more resilient, more interested in others, friendlier, and healthier. Happy people make better friends, colleagues, and citizens." - Gretchen Rubin in The Happiness Project.

Let me preface this post by saying that I am not unhappy. Do I appreciate how lucky I am to be married to a good man, to have two healthy, intelligent children and to have family and friends who give of their love, time and friendship generously? Yes! Does it ever cross my mind that the pure chance of not being born in poverty in the third world means simply by having enough food to eat I am happier than the great majority of people on this earth? Frequently! Should I be grateful for the life I have? You better believe it! I am grateful. But could I do with a little more contentment... a bit more "in the moment" joy? Not only could I do with it, I crave it.

Much like Gretchen Rubin describes in her book, I find myself looking at my life and thinking, so this is it? Married, two kids, working, fighting off under eye wrinkles and gray hair and a gnawing sense of, THIS IS IT! Who I am, living the life I've got, waiting for everything to magically become perfect. If only the mortgage were paid off and the kids wouldn't smear paint or fingernail polish all over the table. If only those stupid unmatched socks would pair themselves up and march to the sock drawers. If only I could fit into my skinny jeans and the dog wouldn't chase the UPS man. If only I had more time and less to do.... wouldn't life be deliciously, deliriously, wondrously wonderful?

So how do I let go of the elusive perfect and find the happiness in the good?

By embarking on my own happiness project. Implementing small strategies and setting small mile markers to up the happy quotient in my life. After all, a happier me will mean happier people surrounding me.

This month's goals are to get more sleep (people who are well-rested have more energy to do the things and make the changes that will make them happy) and to wrap up at least one nagging task I've let go too long. Yes I am mimicking Gretchen's first month goals almost exactly... but I think this is a good place to start for me. I never sleep all night long. Waking up ten times is not unusual. When I do get enough sleep, I have more energy, get more done and feel more satisfied with my day. My upstairs space is almost finished. But it has been over a year since I did anything with that room! The blinds need to be hung, the paint splotches cleaned up and the furniture placed and arranged. I've found a thousand reasons (probably literally, a thousand) not to tackle these boring tasks... and the unfinishedness of it hangs over me (also quite literally) like a gloomy what-if. I think the satisfaction of completing this long overdue job will be worth the drudgery of actually tackling the tedium of paint scraping, window cleaning, furniture staining, etc.

With that said, I do realize that there is no magic secret to contentment. But I equally realize that exploring what makes people appreciate what they have, what they are actively doing to achieve contentment and gratefulness is an endeavor worth undertaking, if only for the journey and not the destination. Here's to happiness!

A Smaller Footprint

I just finished reading an article about the importance of reducing our carbon footprint. As the population of the world increases, the strain on resources grows greater. Are we in danger of collapsing under the weight of our own "progress"?

We are sometimes good environmentalists and sometimes, lazy environmentalists at our house.

The good:

• hot water heater seat on moderate (a genuine sacrifice as I prefer my shower hot enough to scald off a layer of skin) and cold water washing machine use.
• Lights off! Our house gets enough natural sunlight that we don't need to turn on any lights until it gets dark. Rob is great about going behind everyone and making sure we turn everything off, but that MIGHT be as much about money as saving the earth.
• Drying rack. I have not used my dryer AT ALL this week. If Bob the Wonder Dog wouldn't snatch the clothes of a clothes line, I'd love to install a one of those umbrella style outdoor racks. Our summer heat would have a load dry in no time!
  
• Recycling. The kids help sort the plastic, cans, paper etc. for the recycling center. We don't have curbside pick-up, but we live less than a mile from the recycling center. Our trash to recycling ratio is probably about 50% now.
  
• Keep the clunker going! Changing out cars frequently (even for more energy efficient ones) adds some size to the old footprint. We have managed to keep Rob's 1997 truck going with some mostly minor repairs and a little duct tape for the seats (how redneck is that)!
• Consolidating errands. Three days a week, I drop the kids off at school and just continue on to work instead of going back home and leaving for work an hour later. That saves 10 miles per trip or 30 miles per week. We combine errands so that we drop the kids off for one activity and do the grocery shopping while they are occupied for an hour (this is less stressful than shopping with two kids, so BONUS), which also saves a trip.

Struggles:

• Home Garden. A giant FAIL last time I attempted it. Trying to maintain an organic garden against the onslaught of bugs and weeds was more than I could do. I had every intention of attempting it again this year, but didn't get my act together in time. Thinking about doing an above ground container garden for tomatoes and okra on the back porch as a compromise. The Farmer's market is open on Saturday morning, but is the 14 mile round trip. Our grocery shopping is done on Sunday, so that adds to our gas total.
• Grocery store packaging. I find myself really frustrated with the grocery buying. I can manage to buy unpackaged fruit/veggies for the most part: bananas, cucumbers, tomatoes, cantaloupe (but not the blueberries or strawberries), but it seems that the bulk of what we buy is packaged and then packaged some more! Yogurt, cheese, crackers, tea bags, bread, meat.... all packaged and then shrink wrapped for good measure!
• Reusable shopping bags. This would seem to be the easiest thing of all... but I always forget the bags!
• Clothing. Trying to find locally made clothing is almost impossible! Every label I read says: "Vietnam" or "China" on it!
• You all know I ADORE my kindle. Is it really more sustainable to purchase ebooks than paper books? We have LOTS of things that plug in: ipad, kindle, PC, laptops... is the balance in raw materials vs. electricity usage really balanced? Abby absolutely loves to facetime with her friend Imogen in Australia! I doubt she is willing to give that up.
  

Drive

The weather is stunning right now. Bordering on too warm, but the heat is mitigated by the beauty of new leaves and the clean white of dogwood blossoms and pink, red, and white azaleas. Skies that look like they extend forever. Fields cleared and ready for planting. Everything is fresh.

New.

It makes me want to drive.

To obey that impulse to ignore the responsibilities of daily life... alarm clocks, laundry, dishes, meal times, schedules, phone, computer... to watch it, the eternal forward motion of life, grow smaller in the rear view mirror.

To tune it out with the blast of the ipod and the rush of wind over ears.

To let the sound of robins and the blue of the sky and the lazy float of clouds in front of the sun bleach life into a quiet shade of white and calm.

To be in a place where time is irrelevant and I can breathe and my energy is not pulled in a thousand different directions.

To just exist for a bit. To hear nothing but the pull of air in and the push out, the steady beat of my heart.

Not a possibility right now. Too many balls in the air that simply CANNOT come crashing down.

But... to borrow some of Sally Seltman's lyrics:

"Dreams, they come and go. This is one I've had forever I know. Been crossing my fingers and always hoping for it to come true... Got a dream that's become a friend and a reality!" Australia - 2014. We. are. there.

My Son Ate a Pancake

You are probably asking yourself why on earth the fact that my son ate a pancake merits an entire blog post. Kids are by nature picky eaters, of course. Did you know there is a biological reason behind that fact?

Curious toddlers tend to enter the "age of beige" eating stage around the same time they become completely independent in their mobility. Sticking to a diet based on beige foods helped them avoid potential poisonous plants (particularly brightly colored berries and poisonous leaves) that could kill them.

My son entered this stage and never exited. He disappeared down a culinary black hole that narrowed and narrowed and narrowed until his dietary staples could be counted on two hands. Some parents debate whether apple slices dipped into sweet caramel sauce is a healthy food choice. I dream of J.T. eating apple slices dipped in caramel sauce. The current extent of his food choices includes: cheese, crackers, whole grain bread, yogurt, V-8 fusion, ketchup, mustard, pizza, fish sticks, chicken, cookies, and plain chocolate. That is it. All of it.

Yes, I have tried insisting that he eat what is put on his plate. I have made him try blueberries, apples, bananas, salad, broccoli, carrots, green beans, and tomatoes. "Just ONE bite!" I have pleaded. These efforts end with him throwing up and me throwing up my hands in frustration. It isn't that he finds the flavors that objectionable, it is the textures he can't stomach. Even toast has to be at just the right level of "toastiness" or it is, er, toast.

Yesterday, as I made the grocery list, I spoke very frankly with J.T. about the importance of a healthy diet. We do have a history of heart attacks in our family. My brother died at 41. My father had a heart attack at 68. My grandfather (a very slim, fit man) had one at the same age. Eating less junk and replacing that junk with vegetables and fruits is really, really important. He agreed to try something different. Apples (with caramel sauce) was one choice, the other was pancakes. At this point, trying ANYTHING new is a plus, so I agreed.

Tonight, we had pancakes for supper. And the kid who only eats grilled cheese or fish sticks or some other variation, ate a whole pancake. I'm sure it is a ho-hum event in most households, and I would truly prefer that it had been an apple slice and not another "beige" food like a pancake, but the fact that he tried something new and liked it, is a big deal around here. It has not happened in a long, long time. It gives me hope.

P.S. We are consulting with his doctor to figure out if speaking with a counselor might help him. There is not enough space here to detail the YEARS of efforts and conversations we have had on this subject, but suffice it to say it is the number one cause of stress in my life right now.

A Runaway Train

Was it only two short months ago that I had a plan? A plan to get everything TOGETHER this year?

The Plan has been scrapped in favor of winging it. I think I knew that's what would happen all along anyway. Best laid plans and what not.

Busy doesn't describe this household lately. Runaway train experiencing a brake failure on an extreme downhill grade would work. I'm tempted to pull the emergency brake and bring it to a screeching halt. But I feel in my bones we'd just end up flattened by the cars behind us. The dance lessons to guitar practice to horseback riding lessons hopping continues with bits of homework, illness and late night work projects thrown in for balance.

Today I had to stop and really think about what day of the week it was. I can't decide if I'm running behind or thinking ahead or simply confused. All the grand ideas for the new year have been melted in the acid of reality, of all the obligations and events and.... life. Just life.

Abby has been asked to be the flower girl in my niece's wedding in April. We managed to find time to do this today:



One more thing off the checklist. And isn't it a beautiful thing?

Now this weekend (come to me my love), there will be relaxing. Wine, reading and sleeping until I wake up without alarm bells ringing in my ear. The train gliding to a halt for a bit.

Rekindled

I confess that I might be in love with my Kindle Fire.

A little TOO in love with it.... as I spend quite a bit of time either reading, catching up on Facebook (see what you are missing Aunty E.), and ahem, playing Angry Birds and Plants vs. Zombies. ( WHY is lobbing birds/plants at bad guys so addicting)? I've decided I'm a glutton for punishment as a certain fellow blogger keeps kicking my butt at Words with Friends. Just when I think I'm at least in a game, she plays a 70-point word!

The downside might be too much "wasted" time, but the upside is more reading! I can't put my finger on exactly why, but the Kindle has increased my reading pace tremendously. Maybe it is the easy access of having a virtual library that I can toss in my bag in the morning, then pull it out and pick the book that suits me while I'm waiting for guitar/dance/horseback riding to finish, so that I'm reading at times and in places I have not been? Finally finishing up The Hunger Games trilogy, re-reading some favorites and getting new recommendations (Bereft and To Be Sung Underwater) thanks to Mary's brilliant idea to start a "Recent Reads" group on FB. I don't have the time or money to waste on mediocre books, so having a recommendation list is wonderful.

As much as I truly, deeply, for always and ever love my Kindle, I am discovering that I need to limit my use. Too much intake and not enough output. Hopefully I can maintain the reading renaissance and back off of the more mindless entertainments available in this tiny rectangle of happiness. I really would like to return to more regular blogging and blog reading, gardening, etc.

But in the meantime, did I mention that Kindle and I are madly in love?