Dear Bob

(the not such a) wonder dog,

Night time is for sleeping. Even for not quite one year old dogs. The cows are well, uncowed, by your barking and howling and carrying on. A cow's gotta "mooooooooooooooooooooo", you know? So if you could SHUT IT DOWN with the 12 a.m. racketfest, I would appreciate it very much.

Also, the flowerpot is not your enemy. There is no agenda there. It just wants to sit on the porch and be pretty. A simple vessel for containing something floral in nature. Okay? It doesn't want to fight you! If you knock it into the wall, it will come out fighting. You WILL get tangled up in it, despite the fact that this would seem to defy the laws of physics. So can we call a truce with the flowerpot already? Please?

Last, but not least, no more inviting your friends over while we're away. No breaking into the trash can and scattering leftover party goods about the place. You're already grounded for the rest of the year, so if you expect Santa to leave even the tiniest treat for you at Christmas, you really need to tell the beagle to stay home. You lie down with dogs.... well. I think you know where I'm going with this.

P.S. Sidewalk chalk is not for eating. I like rainbows as much as the next person, but I don't want one on the grass.

Love,
Mom (the person who is in charge of feeding you)

Changed

Something awful happens. One of those terrible, life altering losses that are supposed to happen to other people. The phone call that fractures everything. The numb gives way to crushing grief that turns into perpetual sadness that eases into mostly something bearable. Something makes it okay to wake up. Okay to smile, or laugh, or feel a bit normal. Even if "it"never quite goes away. There are still days when you have to choose to put one foot in front of the other, to take a breath and another and another. Days like tomorrow.

I heard someone say that "closure" is a television word. Something that doesn't exist. Losing someone you love isn't something from which you recover. It is something you learn to live with.... in an altered, strange world that looks, smells, and keeps on spinning, just like before. It is you who is different, not the world.

Six years of missing. Of wishing I had made more phone calls, had more conversations, been less judgmental, enjoyed the moment more. I wish that I could say that living through it had made me into a better person. Someone who appreciates what is important, truly important in this life, but I don't know that it is true. The cause did not engender some kind of beautiful effect. No metamorphosis into a higher level of being.

Mostly, I'm grateful to have known him. Grateful that when the bottom fell out, the closeness of our family kept us from falling headlong into the pit. Grateful that my parents gave us a childhood filled with love and togetherness and things that can't be traded for something out of a wallet. I'm still me, no better than before, but different all the same.

The Girl

got her ears pierced today, an early birthday present for the big 7 candle event that happens later in the month. She picked purple starter earrings and didn't cry at all. Much better than I did at the ripe old age of 35 when I got mine done last summer. She's such a girly girl! It disconcerts me most of the time. I'm more of a mix than she is. Keeping her out of the makeup, heels and gaudy jewelry is becoming a full time job. I have to do a face check every morning to make sure she didn't sneak into my makeup and slap on some lipstick while I was fixing breakfast.

Now that school is back in session, her dance lessons have resumed. Tonight, she insisted on having a Dance Off, boys vs. girls. Of course the boys bailed. Total scaredy cats!! I have to say neither of them have any sense of rhythm. So it was a wise move. The challenge then shifted to Mom vs. Abby. I pulled out all the stops. Vogue, Electric Slide, a really weak Running Man, and some mixed martial arts moves. Stomper Girl would have been (not) proud! I knew the thing was rigged anyway. Rob told me he was voting for Abby BEFORE the music even started. Cheaters.

I think we know who the REAL winner was. C'mon. ELECTRIC SLIDE.

Abby disagreed. She said: "Here Mom. Do you need this napkin.... to wipe off your FAILURE.